The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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