There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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