Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
