I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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