gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize