Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
