Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
