im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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