I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize
