I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
