So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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