I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
