It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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