dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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