I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
