You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
