and i looked up. we had an audience...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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