I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
