two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
