Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Soap is not a condiment
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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