Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize