one two three fourrrrnication!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
