i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
