Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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