What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
