Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
