We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
