And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
