He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
wow bdsm is so cute
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
