Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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