if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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