i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
