the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We had sex on a dog bed..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize