No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
