I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And then he peed in my hair
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