umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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