I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
