Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
