We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
