I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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