you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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