On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
