I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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