I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
