You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
