Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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