put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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