allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
