I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
