I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
