i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
