I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
