no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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