I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
