by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize