Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
is it fun? or sober?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
