you would pick up someone in the library
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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