I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
