the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
