erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
