life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
