So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
