Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
