remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
