that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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