I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
