I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
