Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
