So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
