Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
