He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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