I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
